From A Balance Beam

still?

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 18:41:13 GMT

and i can't sleep
cause you got strange powers
you’re in my dreams
strange powers
the sun pours down like honey
the moon runs down like mercury
the stars fall down like money
and you come down to me
and i can't sleep
cause you got strange powers
you’re in my dreams
strange powers

a new happy

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:47:53 GMT

I figured since i've moved to a new home, i'd move to a new journal. Keepin' it fresh.

we've had some good times and some bad times, livejournal.
time to head on down the ol' dusty trail.

blogspot

<3

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:56:10 GMT

Finished my second class with an A.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:16:12 GMT

I've been a non-smoker for two months and one week. It feels good. Still hard sometimes, but i know if i take even one puff i'll be right back on the nicitine express. I haven't been feeling myself for the past week. I'll figure that one out eventually im sure. My horoscope today said not to put on a happy face just to make others feel okay.

you're on.

tax returns

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:39:13 GMT

this time it's legit.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 07:11:45 GMT

its amazing the things that the internet can stir up.
my own insecurites arent fucking helping.
fuck you jealousy!
damn black bird is back.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:24:16 GMT

i feel a little incomplete tonight.

pretty in pastel

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:13:42 GMT

minus all the skin.
I'm torn between the two.
and its not like i could go all out anyway with my job.
How lame.

The Intel Commercials Make Me Laugh

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:00:33 GMT

That's the point, though.

For a minute there i was starting to think that i'm getting old and boring. But it's ACTUALLY that i'm bored out of my mind doing the same old crap. Going to a bar is lamest thing ever. Drinking in general isn't my first choice source of fun anymore. Where are all the creative people? Where are the people that hang out in garages and paint together or make random things or record music, jam sessions with like nine people?! where is all of that?

Until i find some kind of gypsy filled artists commune, i'll never have a social life again. I'm over the rest of it.

Maybe i'll start one.

School is going great

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:16:00 GMT

I really want bubble gum pink hair, i wonder if i'll ever have the balls to do it again. I'll probably let the idea marinate for another few months, maybe try a streak or something. Where has all my nerve gone?

Graphic design...
I have a feeling i'm going to be really good at this.

One month down, eight to go.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:10:01 GMT

I finished my first class today with a 98%. Ba-ZING. I'm looking into taking a basic drawing class at MJC while I'm at IOT, i think i can handle it, and i'm going to need other classes to get where i'm going.

We're moving November 15th. I finally get a garage to paint in. Couldn't be happier about that.

New Fav

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:02:14 GMT

I gave a presentation in front of my class yesterday, no one forced me to be the third person up, i psyched myself out.. probably bombed a little because once you get up there it's still nerve wracking as hell.. but i did it! I was very proud of myself.

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:30:49 GMT

And people wonder why i never answer my phone, hardly hang out.. don't call you back... you wonder why it's hard to get close to me?
If there was a movie i could show you of all the relationships and friendships ive had, i would. Then you would understand. But until then i'll just look like an asshole that doesn't give people the time of day.

The Big Two Three

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 00:11:44 GMT

Happy Birthday To ME!

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:36:41 GMT

Yesterday we had a surprise substitute. She talked about the power of thought, the death of her daughter, a book she is writing, the law of attraction, the importance of getting rid of all the bullshit and being yourself and confidence. It was so much more than that. In four hours my perspective on life changed dramatically.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:34:52 GMT

Hearing the news
when the dragon finally kills you
will be the sadest day
for a modern day knight

a life imperil

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:38:52 GMT

i should be doing homework.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:49:27 GMT

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 14:14:51 GMT

i love school!

it's making me feel very smart, actually. I plan on graduating at the top or close to the top of the class.
Yes, i'm the annoyingly punctual perfectionist, type of student.

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:32:04 GMT

All my music was on my computer that got stolen, listening to animal collective right now is seriously the best thing ever.

That's how i feel on the inside.

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:56:00 GMT

Well, we got a hold of my dad. I didn't see him in person but he gave me permission to sign his signature, since i write just like him. He also agreed that he'd like to see me. I think this will fill a huge void that has always existed, silently. Also, my previous post about not wanting a child any time soon.. that was said partly out of fear, and because everyone around me is doing it. Naturally that makes me want to avoid it. Anyway, im not planning on having kids soon, but holding Yoshi and Tracy's baby put me in a mini-baby spell. It's like an elephant in the room, being around a new born baby. Also because of my rebellious, semi-controlling nature, the fact that my boyfriend never wants kids makes me want one just a little more. Ha, yeah.

I start school monday, i'm stoked! I'm also two weeks cigarette free. I can't believe how slowly time goes by when you are struggling not to do something you're addicted to.

On a lighter note, remember that music video i said i was helping with?

This was really out of my comfort zone but i'm glad i did it.

My life is wonderful because i make it wonderful.

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:11:17 GMT

I have to find my father before wednesday for a financial aid signature. Calls are being made as i type, thank god my mom is helping me.

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 23:59:22 GMT

I'm officially one week cigarette free!
I start IOT Monday the 21st.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:44:28 GMT

I met Donovan under the sea on an old ship in my dream last night, it was awesome!

i think it's a sign i should be listening to much more of his music.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 19:04:14 GMT

I need to learn how to trust again. Men, boys or whatever you want to call them are such good liars.
Actually, no.. it's the blind faith we have in them that makes them seem like good liars, but i only have myself to blame for letting love overpower truth. My relationship is wonderful, and im holding it down with fear. Fear that i will be lied to and taken advantage of again. I can picture myself pulling it under simply because i'm afraid it's going to go down. What the fuck kind of fucked up shit is that?

How do you trust again? How do i let go and let my relationship flourish?
Having an open heart is almost as hard as open heart surgery. I don't know how...
Advice pleeeeeeeeeeeease